quelquechose

You can argue that things are getting worse for the arts in general. At best, one can argue that things are the same. But you'd have a really hard time convincing anyone (artists especially) that thing are getting better.

I was driving to to work yesterday. I was about to cross the river on Central when I realized that I needed to go to St. Paul. So I turned and went down 2nd. On that street alone I drove past two brand-new modern buildings that house arts organizations: the Guthrie and MacPhail Center for Music. We also have a new Walker Arts Center facility. In these dark times, why are these places growing and getting better?

I think Minneapolis has a fear of anything that doesn't come packaged in a shiny box. Large institutions are selling the idea of legitimacy so that we can believe we're a part of something. Artists, on the other hand, need a community that's more real and more organic. Artistic community cannot actually be created by an architect and a developer. I think the Walker is actually helping to dig Minneapolis' artists their graves. It establishes a threshold of legitimacy that pretty much blacklists any upstart gallery from making a mark. It gives the public a cultural outlet they can trust so that they don't have to be in the know. And now they even have underground parking so your nice car doesn't get fucked with. Who cares that Joe Nobody can't sell his art or get a job? This is capitalism. Survival of the richest.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the music scene. I've gotten one response in my search for gigs, and that response was a 'maybe.' The one show I had lined up at all this summer was supposed to be at the Belfry. The only thing that really keeps me trying is the fact that I don't have any real-world job prospects. I'm still creating in a void. No social life, no money, working for my dad, and trying to record interesting music by myself at home. And every day it becomes clearer and clearer that I'm the only one who gives a shit. Institutionalize that, Minneapolis!

In the past week I've hit three open mics and sold two CDs. They pretty much went well. I've been going to work on my own schedule, which means I've taken some days off to work on recording. I realized that I need to relax and not pressure myself, but at the same time work on music every day. I decided I'm going to wait until I have the next project done, and then move. I don't want to relocate with unfinished business.

I'm having a major problem with this whole gigging out thing. I really don't know how people do it and it's a major source of confusion for me. Every time I contact a venue, I don't get a response. I don't really have many friends, much less friends who are musicians, much less friends who are musicians who get to pick who they play with. I can think of one time where I was invited to play a show with someone who I included in the past. On top of that, there are not that many places to play, not that Minneapolis is helping.

I keep reverting back to this idea of playing in the street, just because it's the logical outgrowth of my frustration. Just as I did with the open mics schedule (and completely despite the fact that nobody ever finds out about shows this way and actually show up to them) I'll post any busking dates on my web site.

Granted I'm not the most prolific schmoozer, well actually I really suck at it. But hey, I'm not trying to score a record deal. I would just like to play at a crappy venue, for free, at least once a month. Now I see there's another way.

I'm playing a bunch of open mics, starting this week. I'll try and hit as many as I can find by the end of the month. Check out the website or myspace for details--they're all posted on there.

Here the list so far--more will be added:

• Wed. Apr. 9// Cedar Cultural Center, 7pm


• Fri. Apr. 11// Galactic Pizza, 10 pm


• Tue. Apr.15// Chatterbox Pub, 8:30


• Wed. Apr. 16// Gingko Coffee, 6:30


• Fri. May 2// Anodyne Coffee, 7:30

The Belfry Center and Bat Annex, a small, collectively run non-profit art + community space, sent out this in a recent MySpace bulletin:

Dear Members of the Community,

The current location of the Belfry & Bat Annex Library at 3753 Bloomington Ave is currently under duress by the city of Minneapolis. We have been ordered to cease nearly all all of our events because we do not have entertainment or food licenses. This means all of our music shows and Food Not Bombs are canceled at this specific location to avoid fines from the city. When we reached the office that issued our letter we were told that the zoning of our location makes getting those licenses for all intents and purposes impossible. They had a scanned copy of one of our fliers for the March Fest included in the letter and the representative was looking at our Myspace page while we asked for answers. The city of Minneapolis is surveilling our community's actions and events and wants its coffers filled at the price of a collectively and rather simply run arts space and library. A space that thought (somewhat naively) that a 501-C3 wasn't the only way to do this. A space whose building is far from being up to code but had cheap enough rent to be a relatively sustainable commodity in our community. This particular location is no longer right for our goals. The Belfry's 3753 Bloomington Ave location will have to close. The search for a more fitting space is on and in the meantime our money-generating events are canceled, which means we need help tying up loose ends and making rent for the duration of our time at this address. So if you have ever been to a show at the Belfry, checked out a zine, danced till 4, had an event or meeting, looked at the art, or just hung out now is the time to chip in that extra $2 you didn't want to donate the first time around. Benefit shows, volunteering, and donations at the events we will be able to have at this location will be so greatly appreciated by our small collective. This Saturday (tonight!) we will be having an closing party for Alex Kuno's art show, The Miscreants of Tiny Town (see press release below), at 7 pm. We invite you all to come and have fun and we can talk about the future we envision for the Belfry as well as ways to better subvert the capitalistic and suffocating actions of our local government. Thank you for your support and keep your ears open for more updates on the future of the Belfry and the Bat Annex Library.

Love,
The Belfry

This is a perfect example of what people miss when they think about the role of the arts in the community. The arts are being squeezed out and sucked dry. These are places that would never even come up in a meeting on senate appropriations. The grass-roots arts scene is being bulldozed, not by cutting funding, but due to a larger problem.

Having a vibrant arts scene is not about making it happen. It's about letting it happen. Mpls is power tripping on itself. The artists are going to leave. It's becoming a shell. Minneapolis needs places like the Belfry in order for it to keep being what it thinks it is years from now. It doesn't know that.

I go to the Walker and listen to MPR. But institutions like that do less to promote the actual development of the arts here than they do keep "cultured" people feeling smug about living here.

A good song on the radio, a dreary day, coffee and the drowsiness of a monday morning (and a cigarette, although I no longer smoke) used to inspire of a mood of hopeful yet melancholy reflection. I would then set to work knowing that darkness brings with it connection to the world, and that I was on to something in my life, something that would lead me to a better place. Now I just feel empty. The heaviness of the need to support yourself with income sucks the life out of all realism. My soul was never listed in the deductions on my pay stub. And I want it back. I'm writing the IRS.

Last night I was at the Bad Waitress with a friend. We were just sitting there using our computers. I closed mine, hopeless and unaccomplished. I was looking for a job and places to tour. Prospects seem so slim, and I spiraled down into a metaphor involving the jelly packets, how some are in the little bowl, but some fall out and get put back in, and then... I don't know. Being outside the system, you need a rope or you die. I hold on by working crap jobs for people who don't respect me.

Part of it is depression. Then part of it is my personality. Still another part is this place.

Can a depressed misfit survive in a small city with an identity crisis and a passive aggressive personality disorder?

Come 8/31, there's nothing keeping me here. Unless I start a fun dance band, or find my calling in middle management, or give myself a labotomy, I'm moving.

Ok, so local arts writer Michael Fallon has been watching my blog, and he recently quoted from and linked to it on his blog.

My negativity caught his attention, apparently. I've had a lot of negative things to communicate lately. A lot of it has to do with Minneapolis. A ton of it has to do with myself. I wanted to be clear on this: I definitely don't want to blame the Twin Cities for my failures as an artist. I think this place is a fine spot for a middle class, well adjusted, creative person with a descent backup plan to get a good start. I believe that I have personal issues that keep me from realizing my goals, specifically in this place. I was setting my hopes on being able to travel. I still want to. I think my artistic success depends on it. But I don't think I can afford it.

In response to a comment on Michael's blog: I never expected success to be handed to me without working for it. I'm not sitting on my hands whining about my failure. What people don't realize is that hard work does not get rewarded. I've worked as hard as I could in my pursuits. I've always had such a hard time just trying to make enough money to maintain my own survival. I have to choose between having time to make art and having money to make art. I opt for one, and three months later I need to shift the weight, and maybe sacrifice a flexible job for a consistent income. And I'm not giving up. I'm still writing songs, recording and releasing music. Yes, I quit making "visual art." That's a different story. I'm very critical of that discipline right now. I'll figure out how to write about it eventually.

Minneapolis shouldn't feel bad about not supporting artists. Lots of places can't support their artists. But Minneapolis should stop making out with itself in the mirror and take a look at itself instead. My previous strategy was to try success locally, and then take the next step. Now I know that's not going to happen.

I'm waiting for something to pay off right now. I'm trying to take it easy and not stress myself out. I can't afford for my depression to be driving me, so until something happens maybe a little apathy is the answer. I was all ready to make a routine out of bourbon-sours and Law and Order episodes on Netflix, but Michael's blog got me thinking.

On a little more positive note, I also found out this morning that my song, "Twenty-Eight," was chosen this week on MNArtist's MNSpin contest. Yep.

I'm recording my next CD, creating an art booklet to package it in, I've got zines on the backburner, electronics projects I'm planning, and a big chunk of mahogany that I paid $50 for, hoping to turn it into a guitar. While that all sounds busy and interesting, the reality is I spend most of my time bored out of my fucking mind, sweeping up dust in a basement, patching concrete, sanding walls, moving furniture and dealing with the habits of scatterbrained, sixty-plus entrepreneurs.

I hated gym class, shop, after-school sports, etc. Somehow my predominant career got to be manual labor. So far every means I've found to break the spell has fallen apart. I'm becoming a career job-seeker. No one will hire me because my disaster-zone of a resume shows a history of settling for jobs I didn't want. I've gotten my hopes up so many times, I'm letting go. There is no job for me. I have to create it myself. Combine music and art in my own style of publishing, like I'm already doing. I'm already working the job I want, I just don't have time for it.

Minneapolis can't support artists. Take the number of venues or galleries and compare it to the number of musicians or painters and you have a problem. And some of those people are cooler than you. Some have "friends in the scene." Some have money in their family or other weird sources of income. Plenty of them are younger than you and willing to take greater risks. Add my own personal struggle with myself, and it gets hard to compete.

Anyways, I'm TRYING to piece together the possibility of going on the road this year. Take my guitar, CDs and zines and try to get some momentum. The only thing stopping me is money. My jobs are completely flexible. In theory I should be able to afford it as long as I work full time.

And thats where the plan falls apart. I've been working for my dad most of my life. I've tried to save money with that job so many times, and I always just end up in debt to him instead. My depression gets worse the more hours I put into that job. I had a stomachache for a year and a half that came back every day. No one knew what it was. I got a different job and it was gone.

As an experiment, I'm going to try and put up with this shit throughout the month of March. Then I'm leaving for 10 days to tour the Midwest. I'm not planning on this, I'm hoping for it. I'm going to be blogging more. It might help to write about how much I despise what I do for a living. And sometimes I feel like people think I'm OK with it. I'm not. I need out or I'm going to destroy myself. 5 years from now I see myself either working full time or being creative. I can't see myself doing both.

This blog is being simultaneously published on Blogger and LiveJournal, after which it will eventually be moving to Blogger. I will be using both as I get Blogger set up. You can always access my blog by going to blog.geraldprokop.com

I was just reading L'etoile Magazine's blog, where they interviewed a local graphic designer about his new blog and the local arts scene. To paraphrase him, and to sum up what I hear about this city all the time: Minneapolis is a great city for an artist to mature, there's alot of support for artists here, coming from the community and from other artists.

I have mixed feelings about the art "scene" here, if you can call it that. I used to really believe in it. Afunctionul was all about investing in our place, and the local scene and how we could build it through those "unestablished" venues to create a healthy, diverse culture. But that was over four years ago. Since then, I tried my best at creating and marketing my visual art. I constantly felt like the "scene" was going on without me. Being an artist here is more about choosing your friends then creating your work. It's more about having a style and fitting in somewhere socially. I closed my studio because I ran out of juice. I was broke and I wasn't being myself. I would go to every gallery opening because that's what you're supposed to do.

It's partly my fault for being socially awkward. But I dread the day when misfits don't have the privilege of a career in the arts because overachievers have changed the standards.

It's quite possible that the reasons I failed here as a visual artist would have caused me to fail anywhere. Regardless, I wish people would just shut up about how great it is here.

Minneapolitans like to create insulated communities, or cliques. And from that viewpoint, you can convince yourself that it's anything you want it to be. And with our corporate paychecks, we can finance our fantasies.

This goes for art in general, with a lowercase 'a.' The music scene is the same way. I plan on touring this year, if I can finance it through my crappy jobs. I'll just be doing it alone.

Nobody likes crack dealers on the corners, drunks everywhere and guns going off--that's obvious. Which is exactly why efforts to clean up a corner such as Franklin and Nicollet are usually met with much praise. What goes unnoticed a lot of times is that whatever made such an area attractive to progress in the first place, eventually must give way to a more mainstream kind of progress.

The gravel parking lot is gone. In it's place are condos, a Jimmy Johns and a Starbucks. The gas station is gone, now home to more condos, and soon a CVS Drug Store. Assets. The corner now has some selling points. It looks good on paper. It makes Minneapolis look good. It makes politicians look good.

The Acadia Cafe is closing. I haven't heard one way or the other if they're getting driven out by developers or anything. I heard that the landlord wouldn't renew their lease. I used to rent a studio in that building. I paid $100 a month for 150 square feet. After a year and a half, I was told to leave. The vague reason was, "we have different plans for the space."

Acadia is one of the few places where I could actually get in and have a show. They don't have a stick up their ass about it like most places. The last zinefest opened there. It's home to the Tuesday Night Improvisational Noise series. SSCA has held meetings there. I'm kind of pissed about it closing, but moreso I'm depressed because it's easy to see the direction Minneapolis is heading in. The days of quirky, run-down, alternative spaces are over. Things that don't serve a strictly commercial purpose are getting institutionalized. All people really want is for the things they're involved in to have a crisp and squeaky clean facade over it so that everybody knows its legit. I realize the effect that ghettos can have on a city. What I don't believe is that solutions to urban problems can be easily solved by developing and raising property values.

So--this isn't really about Acadia. For all I know they're just moving. I'm just getting this general sense that I'm not going to like living here much longer.

A shot of the building I live in now--before the monocloud moved in.

When things start to slow down, you don't want to push it. Summer's over and weird stuff is in the air. Maybe it's just me, but October is always a really awkward month where negative vibes start coming out of the woodwork and people start resisting the pull back into themselves. I had a couple really decent gigs on the 10th and 11th, then followed up later in the month with the two worst experiences I've ever had on stage. The first was simply me playing to an empty room, which itself is enough to ruin your night. The last experience involved a certain member of our local music scene subjecting me to his pretentious attitude about my circuit-bent performance method during a brown rainbow gig. That was cured easily enough with a can of black label and a bitch session on hipsters and arrogance.

My little plan to play out as much as possible is being tossed out in favor of nightly recording sessions, which go with the grain of the season moreso than meandering the social scene and staying up until the house lights come on so I can get my $6 in return for entertaining my own friends.

I couldn't be happier about where I'm living and it's perfectly conducive to the work I need to do. My neighbors are totally cool with me playing music, including a full drum set. You can often stand in the shared entry and hear bent noise music on both sides.

My plan so far involves writing and recording a song per day using a full four tracks, guitar, bass, drums and keys, as quickly as possible. In a couple of weeks I hope to have a few dozen "sketches" to refine and made my next record out of. It's kind of a forced way of working and that way I'll have less time to be hard on myself. I'm starting to remember that I'm supposed to be having fun.

I got my keys today for my new place. My landlord assured me that I'd get along with everyone in the building. Thing is, so far I already know everybody! I have a quasi-roommate, (there's a shared bathroom and front door) who I probably worked with at the Walker. His cat kept me company while I was assembling my Ikea kitchen table. I know my downstairs neighbors through Caffetto, noise shows at the Church and friends of friends of friends. Go figure. Mpls.

I had my guitar set up, but I think the guy lowered the action, which I did not want him to do. So I tried to adjust it, and in the process I found out what a "floating" bridge is! It's actually not connected to the guitar. Without strings, it falls off.

So I probably somewhat fucked up what I just paid $25 for, but it sounds OK. The low strings are buzzy on the high frets.

As for the Panama part, I guess I just want everything to look the same in reverse.

What the fuck?!

I'm on Minnewiki now, just in case anyone needs to put me in their term paper.

Yes, and don't forget--BIG SHOW TOMORROW!